Consequences of Grief

Things have changed since that day Mom left
and I am waiting for the wave of change to crest.
Just when I think we've reached the top
the undertow pulls and again...it just won't stop.

I used to be his little girl -- the one with freckles and all the curls.
Now he looks at me with disgust; his lips in a permanent snarl.
It's not just me; others see it too. It doesn't matter what I do.
I work full time, care for three kids, and mourn the fourth...my life is a zoo.

Mom used to be the buffer and back him off of me
but now she's not here and his wrath is directed at me.
It really hurts at times and I feel the ultimate rejection;
let's face it...I just don't have a familial connection.

My sisters tried to TELL me what and how to feel those days
like I didn't know Mom better than they did..I was there in ALL ways.
So that didn't help; then they rejected my little boy
and now they want to make merry and pretend to have family joy?

You just can't understand until this happens to you.
Look in the mirror and realize no blood loves you.
You question your looks, your actions, your speech
and then realize these aren't lessons you want to teach.

So, I have to rebuild and become someone new.
Heather has died; I just don't know what to do.
I'm tired of feeling sad.