Raw pain brings inspiration

“Congratulations! It’s a girl!” or maybe even “Boy!”
These are the words you want to hear that fill your heart with joy.
Instead we heard the words no parent ever wants to hear – “I’m so sorry”
fell from her lips; she looked so very ashen.
This just can’t be! It’s NOT supposed to happen!

March 27th is the day it was all confirmed…
We saw him on the screen and of his passing we learned.
A tiny little head; gentle little hands –
So very still and perfect, as if lulled to a nap.

It could take several hours, or maybe even days,
But soon in your hands he’ll lay.

Don’t make me go! I wanted to scream!
Throw away the gown! It belongs to someone else…They don’t belong to me!!!
I crawled into the bed, feeling like a murderer
While everyone treated me like a poor grieving mother.

“It’s just nature” or “It’s God’s way”
What the hell did you say?
Did God really make a mistake?
Is that what you are trying to say?

You kind of laugh and cry…what else are you to do?
Alone in a room with your husband who is grieving too.
We watched some movies and fell asleep and had a cry or two, and then we saw the clock; it was 5:02.

I felt the urge to push, but Oh My God!
If I do,The end will come and I am not ready for this to be through.
I pushed and out he slid; the perfect angel we were waiting for.
She picked him up and said “We’ll clean him up for you”.

We waited in stunned silence; our hearts were clearly torn.
In she walked with a blanket folded into two,
And wrapped up inside, was the perfect little guy.
His eyes were open, his lips slightly parted as if to say goodbye

I wanted to die! What else could I do?
His hands were tiny; they wouldn’t cover your nail!
He weighed just ounces but in our hearts he will always prevail.

I miss my son; he belongs to Him and always did. I know.
But what did I do to let him go?

I close my eyes and blink away the tears some wish I didn’t shed,
And slap on a smile to make them all happy instead.
But I hurt and I feel like I’m in the way;
I pray for the end of each and every day.

I take my meds so I don’t feel the pain that breaks my heart
Because a month ago with my son I had to part.