Hannah Elizabeth Grace was born a week ago :) She's beautiful, healthy, and here!
I went to my 36/6 appt feeling miserable, and the dr. said that was it. It was baby day the next day. So we freaked, made arrangements, and started our adventure.
We began in triage in a room that was about 30 degrees below zero. I laughed at Joe for hours as he bundled up trying to stay warm. We live in Florida and he was bundled up in August. LOL.
Ah. Well, it took longer than they thought to get me to pre op. We finally got there at 12:30 August 26th. We ran into the dr. that delivered Summer and Emma, and he spent time with us. That was awesome! Finally anesthesia came in, and he decided to give me an epidural rather than a spinal. My blood pressure dropped dramatically, making me really ill. He's get it up, I'd get sick, it'd go back down, I'd get sick. Finally it stabilized and I was wheeled into the OR. I began throwing up again (nerves, I guess) so he gave me a relaxer. I slept through most of the birth... :) I remember her being born and Joe showing her to me. Then we went to post op WITH THE BABY!! (for the first time).
Anyway, she was born at 3:20 in the morning, weighing 5 pounds 10 ounces, and measuring 18 inches. She is jaundiced, and is slow to regain her weight. But she's feisty and loving and funny, and we love her dearly.
I'm doing ok. Nope. Not true. I am NOT ok. I have the blues because I'm regretting the tubal. Is it that I want another baby? I don't think so. But I'll never have that little boy running around. BUT a dear friend made a point...I will NEVER feel complete because I know that two children are missing. Maybe I just need to work through all of these feelings.
I am physically sore. My uterus has considerable scarring, and you can feel it right above my pubic bone. I can also feel my tubal ligation, and that sucks. But part of me knows the tubal was the right thing to do...my body couldn't take another pregnancy...or could it? I will talk to the dr. some more about a reversal, but she was afraid that the scarring would be too much to sustain a pregnancy. Not to mention the cost of reversing it, my age, risks to another baby, etc.
I made the right choice...I know I did.
So why do I feel this way? Why do I feel alone and sad while I also feel happy and over the moon?
2 comments:
Congratulations on the birth of your little girl! I found your blog on Holly's blog (Carleigh)
I wanted to comment on your tubal. Our first child was a preemie and she lived 3 days. The pregnancy was not easy, and neither were my other 2. I had complications every time and had to do bedrest.Before our last children (twins) were born, the doctor strongly suggested to me that I have my tubes tied. I did when they were 6 weeks old. I regretted it and mourned the loss of my fertility, but it really was the best plan for me in the long run. I'm sure this was the best plan for you, also. Yes, it hurts, there is no doubt of that. I'm sorry for the loss of your 2 little boys - your friend was right - they will always be missd and can't be replaced. (((HUGS)))
Congrats on her birth!!!
I think what you're feeling is normal. I know a lot of women feel sad knowing that they can't have anymore children once they've made that choice. I don't think you're alone there.
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